Friday, April 13, 2007

You Know You Are An Assyrian or Chaldean If...

Written by Unknown Author

Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if you're in the next room.

You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's normal.

You are standing next to the largest suitcases at the Airport.

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

You say bye 17 times on the phone.

Your parents still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on."

You've had a shoe thrown at you by your mother.

When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover they know one of your uncles back home.

Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

You refer to your dad's friends as Amoo [uncle].

You still came back home to live with your parents after you graduate.

You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and pumpkin seeds.

You have at least thirty cousins.

Your parents want you to become a doctor or engineer.

You use your forehead and eyebrows to point something out.

Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day.

You can spot an Arab a mile away and they have spotted you because they keep staring.

After a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and discuss politics, waiting for their tea.

At weddings, it takes the bride and groom 4 hours to kiss all the guests.

You brag about your kids even if they are bad.

You gossip about your own family with other members of your family.

One satellite dish on your roof isn't enough. You need at least two of them.

You wear more cologne than deodorant.

You say the letter "H" like "etch"

You put olive oil on EVERYTHING and brag about how healthy it is.

Your favorite food is stuffed grape leaves but you are embarrassed to tell your friends that you eat leaves for dinner.

You cook a meal that lasts three days.

Your aunt always asks you when she can dance at your wedding.

Your Father swears at you with words that effect himself.

You say "Get down from the car" instead of "get out of the car."

You always act like you WANT to pay; but in reality you hate it.

You own a gold cross necklace.

You play cards till the break of dawn.

You NEVER run out of "rizza" [Rice].

You can't have a meal without pita bread.

You feel proud when someone famous or a celebrity has ANY Assyrian blood in them.

You a have a difficult Assyrian name; so you come up with an American version like "Sam" "Mike" "Joe" "Willy."

You have someone tell you your fortune through your coffee cup.

You say Bolice for Police.

You get really excited and call your whole family to the room when there is a special or a documentary on Assyrians on CNN or Discovery channel.

Waxing salon is your second home.

You wont eat meat on Wednesday or Friday, but your "love life" has nothing to do with your religion.

You are awaken at night by a member of your family yelling over the phone to overseas.

Your convinced that your mom would win a "slipper throwing contest" because of her accuracy.

It doesn't even cross your mind NOT to Bar-B-Q at two in the morning on your front porch.

The word Yalla is a part of your Assyrian vocabulary.

When you get visitors from overseas they live with you for 5 months.

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