Dear Lord

Dear Lord,

So far today I've done all right. I haven't gossiped; lost my temper; been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent.

I'm very thankful for the kind of day You have given me.

But in a few minutes, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm going to need a lot more help.

Amen.

Source: The Book of Catholic Jokes

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The Book of Catholic Jokes

The Catechist On Going to Heaven

The Catechist asked her class of seven-year-olds, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"

"NO!" answered all the children.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again, they answered "NO!"

"Well then, if I was kind to animals, gave candy to all the children and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"

Again, they all answered "NO!"

Preplexed, the woman continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"

One of the boys shouted out, "YOU GOTTA TO BE DEAD!"

Source: The Book of Catholic Jokes

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The Book of Catholic Jokes

The Parking Place

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an appointment meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, she said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I'll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine."

Miraculously, a parking place opened up right in front of her destination.

The woman looked up to heaven again and said, "Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own."

Source: The Book of Catholic Jokes

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The Book of Catholic Jokes